Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
