either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
