I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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