i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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