just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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