I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
