Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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