that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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