I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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