Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
