Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
