"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
