well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
