party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
