Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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