i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
