to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
