you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
