Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?