Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian