just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
