so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
