Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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