The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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