i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
