I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
