Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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