I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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