Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
