the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
