I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
one might say we're banned from that church
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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