I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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