So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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