Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
