Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
