My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
