p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
