she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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