I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
