Cold hands, warm shart.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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