Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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