Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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