is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
