You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
