Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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