I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize