Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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