I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
