im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
