you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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