My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
