dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
