fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize