My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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