Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize