Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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