Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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