4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We left the knife in your bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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