I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
