Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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