I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
