I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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