that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
