I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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