Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
