You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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