mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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