bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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