saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
