Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
