Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
