Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
