Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
