cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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