Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
