GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
