Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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