her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
