My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
