Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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