I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
