The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
